The Latest

Home | The Latest | Thank You | What Is ALS? | About Aimee | Fellow ALS Patients | Links | 350,000 Stories | Contact Aimee | Aimee's Family | ALS Activism | Letters | My Superman | Walk4Life 2006 | Walk4Life 2007 | Walk4Life 2008 | Gala 2008 | Your Turn | Aimee's Writing | A Day in the Life... | An Unforgettable Ride | Kids' Corner | In the News
Archive Newer | Older

August 21, 2007

A few choice quotes:

Will Farrell (as Buddy in "Elf"): "Son of a nutcracker!"
Charlie Brown (as Lucy pulls the football away): "Aaaaauuuuuggggghhhhh!"
C-3PO ("Star Wars"): "We're doomed!"

Okay, well maybe not doomed, but definitely derailed. As it turns out, we just heard from the Nightline producer that our segment has been pushed back, and she will contact us with a new air date. Bummer! Thanks for your patience, and we'll be back in touch soon.

(On the upside, the postponement will give me even more time to be nervous, stay up late, get punchy, IM with Craig, and write more rap!)

5:13 pm cdt          Comments

If the TV Gig Doesn't Work Out, There's Always Rap
So, I am nervous, nervous, nervous about Nightline tomorrow night!

And when I'm nervous, I can't sleep...
And when I can't sleep, I get a little punchy...
And when I get a little punchy, I message my brother...
And when I message my brother, punchy turns silly...
And when I get silly, I write rap songs about my day...

How else to explain the following little ditty that I dashed off last night between 12:34 and 12:51 a.m.?
In my defense, I did have a particularly absurd conversation with a telemarketer who told me I didn't "sound too good." So I explained that I have ALS, which affects my voice and my muscles, and will eventually kill me. His reply? He said he'd call back later when I'm feeling better.
So I answered as anyone who knows my smart-ass side would expect: "Don't wait too long, or I might not be here!" 

How to Get Rid of a Telemarketer

(It helps to provide your own beatbox or find something suitable on YouTube.)

Did I just hear

the telephone ring?

Wonder what they're


Ma'am you ain't

soundin' good tonight.

Sir, I'm afraid

you got that right.

Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later

when I'm speakin' clear.

Jis' don't wait too long

or I

Sir, what did you say

you are calling about?

Ma'am some chil'ren need

You to help them out.

I'm sorry, sir, could you

say it again?

Ma'am, were you sleeping?

cuz it 's just 6:10.

Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later,

when I'm speakin' clear.

Jis' don't wait too long

or I

Sir, my voice is weak,

and the rest of me too.

In fact, I'm dying.

M'am, here's what I'll do.

I'll call back later

when you're feeling well.

Don' wait too long, sir,

'cuz you never can tell.

Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later,

when I'm speakin' clear.

Jis' don't wait too long

or I

Sir, the hearse is waiting,

it's right outside.

Tell me why you're calling.

'fore I miss my ride.

Uh, ma'am? um, yeah.

Well, I gotta go. [click]

Ha! bet I don' hear

from him no mo'.

Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later,

when I'm speakin' clear.

Jis' don't wait too long

or I

I...[phone rings]

might...[continues ringing]

not...[continues ringing/fade]

be...[continues ringing/fade]

here...[continues ringing/fade]

3:44 pm cdt          Comments

August 20, 2007

The Not-so-Young and Veeeery Restless
My Dear  Family, Friends, Fellow ALS Community Members, AskAboutAimee Teammates, Church Members, Scrapbook Buddies, Shear Genius Miracle Workers, Bunko Buddies, Former Classmates and Coworkers, Website Visitors, and Macy's Protesters,

Jim called a while ago, humming the Nightline theme song, to alert me that he had received a call from the Nightline producer...

...and so it is with great trepidation and tremeeeendous anxiety that we announce our upcoming national television appearance. We are just thankful our debut (at least) will not be on an episode of Jerry Springer.

So, for better or worse, our Nightline segment is scheduled to air this Wednesday, August 22 on ABC--though of course other more time-critical news events may cause this segment to be pushed back.

We are soooooo nervous! After about 20-30 hours of taping over the course of several different visits with the Nightline folks, we have no memory of what we actually said. And, of course, even if we did remember, nearly all of it ended up on the cutting-room floor. So we can only wait and hope that somewhere in all that footage, we said something semi-intelligent and managed to help advance our cause rather than harm it. If nothing else, at least we have cute kids, right?

Anyway, above everything, we hope, hope, hope we make you proud.

Jim and Aimee
5:58 pm cdt          Comments

August 18, 2007

May the Force Be with You...or at Least Not Against You!
A few days ago, I fell over backwards from the force of a sneeze.

Have I ever written a more ridiculous sentence? Maybe, but I can’t remember one!

But it is absolutely, 100 percent true. No exaggeration, no hyperbole, just the facts. I was standing in the kitchen, reaching up to put the box of baking soda back in the cabinet, and without even the tiniest tickle of a warning, I sneezed. Flailing wildly, I grasped at the cabinet door and the edge of the countertop on my way down but couldn’t stave off gravity.

I landed hard on my backside and my elbows. Luckily, I boast a well-padded posterior and suffered no damage there. And while my elbows have hurt all week whenever I’ve rested them on a table or the arms of a chair, I escaped any real damage.

The most maddening part of the fall isn’t the bumps, though. It’s the fact that I really don’t know how to avoid a repeat. Often when I take a tumble, I can learn something from it. I know, for example, not to try to look over my shoulder at someone or something behind me while I’m walking in the opposite direction. I need to either get to my destination, hold onto something stable, and turn; or I need to stop where I am and carefully turn about 30 degrees at a time.

But this one? I can’t think of any lesson I learned. Not to sneeze? Not to stand up? Not to sneeze while standing up? Not to handle the baking soda?

I guess the best I can come up with is that I’ll be on the lookout for a sturdy handhold wherever I am, should I feel a sneeze coming on.

So, fellow ALS patients, do you have any advice? Have you encountered a similar situation? Am I missing something obvious?

And for you non-ALS patients, how about you? Any suggestions you can think of? And do you ever take your good fortune for granted when the force of your sneeze doesn’t knock you over? Before ALS, I sure did! I still kind of can’t believe it happened.

Except I have three little witnesses who won’t let me forget it.

Kids who, by the way, were quite amazing in spite of the spectacular crash when I landed. (When I fall, I am usually shaken up quite a bit and can’t manage to get up right away. Plus, falling flat on my back is a bit like flipping a turtle.) They know I need a few minutes to gather myself, so they leapt into action.

Nick grabbed the phone. “Should I call Dad?”

Emily stroked my hair. “Do you want a pillow under your head?”

Zacky chimed in,  “I will get you Elmo!” And he opened the freezer door and pulled out his favorite Sesame Street icepack.

Yes, I was very well-cared-for until I was able to scrape myself up off the floor.

And after the initial fright passed, the kids (especially my pirate, Emily) found it hilarious when I told them we now have a whole new meaning for the phrase, “Well, blow me down!”

9:54 pm cdt          Comments

Archive Newer | Older
Welcome to Aimee's Blah, Blah, Blog...
With great trepidation, we introduce the latest feature on a blog.

We acknowledge the pathetically long gaps between new entries to the website, and we appreciate the gentle prodding from visitors who would like to see more frequent updates about what's keeping us busy. 

So, in an attempt to dispel the notion that Aimee lounges at home all day in her World Series Champions gear (okay, that part is true) with her feet up (never!), eating bon-bons (often) and catching up on the latest trade rumors and spring-training reportswhile Jim is out saving the world in his S-emblazoned red cape, of course—we are experimenting with a blog to provide (weekly? biweekly? monthly?) updates on our activities.

However, come Opening Day, we're not promising anything...

[Note: Aimee is the author of the blog. All first-person accounts are hers unless otherwise noted. Any pro-Cubs entries are obviously the unauthorized work of Jim and should be reported to the proper authorities immediately.]