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August 21, 2007
Uh...Nevermind
A
few choice quotes:
Will Farrell (as Buddy in "Elf"): "Son of a nutcracker!"
Charlie
Brown (as Lucy pulls the football away): "Aaaaauuuuuggggghhhhh!"
C-3PO ("Star Wars"):
"We're doomed!"
Okay, well maybe not doomed, but definitely derailed. As it turns out, we just heard
from the Nightline producer that our segment has been pushed back, and she will contact us with a new air date. Bummer! Thanks
for your patience, and we'll be back in touch soon.
(On the upside, the postponement will give me even more
time to be nervous, stay up late, get punchy, IM with Craig, and write more rap!)
If the TV Gig Doesn't Work Out, There's Always Rap
So, I am nervous, nervous, nervous about Nightline tomorrow night!
And when
I'm nervous, I can't sleep...
And when I can't sleep, I get a little punchy...
And when I get a little
punchy, I message my brother...
And when I message my brother, punchy turns silly...
And when I get silly, I write
rap songs about my day...
How else to explain the following little ditty that I dashed off last night between
12:34 and 12:51 a.m.?
In my defense, I did have a particularly absurd conversation with a telemarketer
who told me I didn't "sound too good." So I explained that I have ALS, which affects my voice and my muscles,
and will eventually kill me. His reply? He said he'd call back later when I'm feeling better.
So I answered as anyone who knows my smart-ass side would expect: "Don't wait too long, or I might not be here!" Title:
How to Get Rid of a Telemarketer
Lyrics:
(It helps to provide your own beatbox or find something suitable on YouTube.)
Did I just hear
the telephone ring? Wonder what they're soliciting.
Ma'am you ain't
soundin' good
tonight. Sir, I'm afraid you got that right.
Chorus: (You) said you'd
call back later
when I'm speakin' clear. Jis' don't wait too long or I might...not...be
...here.
Sir, what did you say
you are calling about? Ma'am some chil'ren
need You to help them out.
I'm sorry, sir, could you
say it again? Ma'am, were you sleeping? cuz it 's
just 6:10.
Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later,
when I'm speakin' clear. Jis' don't
wait too long or I might...not...be...here.
Sir, my voice is weak,
and the rest of
me too. In fact, I'm dying. M'am, here's what I'll do.
I'll call
back later
when you're feeling well. Don' wait too long, sir, 'cuz you never
can tell.
Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later,
when I'm speakin' clear. Jis' don't
wait too long or I might...not...be...here.
Sir, the hearse is waiting,
it's
right outside. Tell me why you're calling. 'fore I miss my ride.
Uh, ma'am?
um, yeah.
Well, I gotta go. [click] Ha! bet I don' hear from him no mo'.
Chorus: (You) said you'd call back later,
when I'm speakin' clear. Jis' don't
wait too long or I might...not...be...here.
I...[phone rings]
might...[continues
ringing] not...[continues ringing/fade] be...[continues ringing/fade] here...[continues
ringing/fade]
August 20, 2007
The Not-so-Young and Veeeery Restless
My Dear Family, Friends, Fellow ALS Community Members, AskAboutAimee Teammates, Church Members, Scrapbook
Buddies, Shear Genius Miracle Workers, Bunko Buddies, Former Classmates and Coworkers, Website Visitors, and Macy's
Protesters,
Jim called a while ago, humming the Nightline theme song, to alert me that he had received
a call from the Nightline producer...
...and so it is with great trepidation and tremeeeendous anxiety
that we announce our upcoming national television appearance. We are just thankful our debut (at least) will not be on an
episode of Jerry Springer.
So, for better or worse, our Nightline segment is scheduled to air this Wednesday,
August 22 on ABC--though of course other more time-critical news events may cause this segment to be pushed
back.
We are soooooo nervous! After about 20-30 hours of taping over the course of several different
visits with the Nightline folks, we have no memory of what we actually said. And, of course, even if we did
remember, nearly all of it ended up on the cutting-room floor. So we can only wait and hope that somewhere in all that
footage, we said something semi-intelligent and managed to help advance our cause rather than harm it. If nothing else, at
least we have cute kids, right?
Anyway, above everything, we hope, hope, hope we make you proud.
Jim and Aimee
August 18, 2007
May the Force Be with You...or
at Least Not Against You!
A few days ago, I fell over backwards from the force of a sneeze.
Have I ever written a more ridiculous sentence? Maybe, but
I can’t remember one!
But it is absolutely, 100 percent true. No exaggeration, no hyperbole, just the facts. I was standing in the kitchen, reaching
up to put the box of baking soda back in the cabinet, and without even the tiniest tickle of a warning, I sneezed. Flailing
wildly, I grasped at the cabinet door and the edge of the countertop on my way down but couldn’t stave off gravity.
I landed hard on my
backside and my elbows. Luckily, I boast a well-padded posterior and suffered no damage there. And while my elbows have hurt
all week whenever I’ve rested them on a table or the arms of a chair, I escaped any real damage.
The most maddening part of the fall
isn’t the bumps, though. It’s the fact that I really don’t know how to avoid a repeat. Often when I take
a tumble, I can learn something from it. I know, for example, not to try to look over my shoulder at someone or something
behind me while I’m walking in the opposite direction. I need to either get to my destination, hold onto something stable,
and turn; or I need to stop where I am and carefully turn about 30 degrees at a time.
But this one? I can’t think of any lesson I learned. Not to sneeze?
Not to stand up? Not to sneeze while standing up? Not to handle the baking soda?
I guess the best I can come up with is that I’ll be on the lookout
for a sturdy handhold wherever I am, should I feel a sneeze coming on.
So, fellow ALS patients, do you have any advice? Have you encountered a similar situation?
Am I missing something obvious?
And for you non-ALS patients, how about you? Any suggestions you can think of? And do you ever take your
good fortune for granted when the force of your sneeze doesn’t knock you over? Before ALS, I sure did! I still kind
of can’t believe it happened.
Except I have three little witnesses who won’t let me forget it.
Kids who, by the way, were quite amazing in spite of the spectacular crash
when I landed. (When I fall, I am usually shaken up quite a bit and can’t manage to get up right away. Plus, falling
flat on my back is a bit like flipping a turtle.) They know I need a few minutes to gather myself, so they leapt into action.
Nick grabbed the phone.
“Should I call Dad?”
Emily stroked my hair. “Do you want a pillow under your head?”
Zacky chimed in, “I will
get you Elmo!” And he opened the freezer door and pulled out his favorite Sesame Street icepack.
Yes, I was very well-cared-for until
I was able to scrape myself up off the floor.
And after the initial fright passed, the kids (especially my pirate, Emily) found it hilarious when I
told them we now have a whole new meaning for the phrase, “Well, blow me down!”
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Welcome to Aimee's Blah, Blah, Blog... With great trepidation, we introduce the latest feature on askaboutaimee.com:
a blog.
We acknowledge the pathetically long gaps between new entries to the website, and we appreciate the gentle
prodding from visitors who would like to see more frequent updates about what's keeping us busy.
So, in an attempt to dispel the notion that Aimee lounges at home all day in her World Series Champions gear (okay, that
part is true) with her feet up (never!), eating bon-bons (often) and catching up on the latest trade rumors and
spring-training reports—while Jim is out
saving the world in his S-emblazoned red cape, of course—we
are experimenting with a blog to provide (weekly? biweekly? monthly?) updates on our activities.
However, come Opening Day,
we're not promising anything...
[Note: Aimee is the author of the blog. All first-person accounts are hers
unless otherwise noted. Any pro-Cubs entries are obviously the unauthorized work of Jim and should be reported to the proper
authorities immediately.]
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